Life Advice for My Son 

This is a short list of pointers I plan on giving my boy as he grows up. Feel free to comment with any additions you would pass to your sons. I also have one for both my daughters and my son here.
-Find the greatest woman you can, but then make sure you make yourself worthy of her

-Find the woman who will respect you as a man, then work every day to earn that respect. 

-Be the kind of man your wife and children can be in awe of.

-Love your woman, cherish her, treat her as a precious work of art.

-Be strong. Not just physically or spiritually, but both. Have an unshakable faith, and be able to life heavy weights and do work.

 

-If you’ve found a woman you’re interested in, her father is the one to impress on the first try. Respect him and his rules. Be his friend later. Be someone he feels his daughter is safe with. He will be entrusting her protection to you.

-Porn is evil. It destroys the strongest marriages. It will make you passive. You’ll sit in front of a computer screen instead of romancing and pursuing your wife. You’ll get that shallow and quick fulfillment from something fake, rather than making your marriage stronger. Stay away from it, and love your wife instead.

-If you’re not squatting, you’re not lifting.

-Avoid girls who only hang out with guys. If other girls won’t spend time with them, there is probably a reason.

-Have a relationship with violence. Know how to fight with a rifle, pistol, blade, and your hands. Don’t start fights, but if they come your way, end them quickly and ruthlessly. Don’t be afraid of violence, be a master of it.

  

-When you get married, never deny your wife love and affection, even if you feel she doesn’t deserve it. She should have your love constantly, and free of charge.

-You’re the provider. Be the one working, and work as if it is your role in life. Guess what? It is.

-Avoid tight, revealing clothing. No need to show off your muscles (especially if you don’t have any yet). Dress professionally, and with enough material to conceal at least one weapon.

-Learn to build and repair in your home. Construction jobs are excellent for this.

-Be a gunfighter. Literally. Shooting sports are all well and good, but join the infantry or police force, even if only for a little while. Those skills and mindsets are invaluable, and the experience of a real fight will give you confidence you won’t believe.

-If you’re going to hit someone, be prepared to be hit back. Harder.

-Don’t wear another man’s name on your body, like a sports jersey. Don’t fall into the trap of defining yourself by the accomplishments of another man.

-Leave the toilet seat down. Everyone sits down on it, but you’re the only one who stands up, and that’s only half of the time. 

-Learn to cook, tie a tie, iron your clothes, do laundry, change diapers, take care of your kids alone, etc. This way your wife can take off for a girl’s night out or a weekend away from the kids, and trust that you will take care of everything. Be capable as a parent.

-Rub your wife’s feet and back when she’s pregnant.

-Change your own oil, tires, light bulbs, etc. Learn as much vehicle maintenance as possible.

-Always be as polite as possible, but do it from a position of strength. You’re nobody’s doormat. It is better to be dangerous and kind, than to be weak and kind.

  

-Don’t punch with a closed fist to the head. You’ll break your hand. Use open palm strikes to the face and head, and a closed fist for softer vital areas like ribs and kidneys.

-Affection and intimacy aren’t silly things girls want in chick flick movies. They’re legitimate needs for your wife. Give them to her constantly.

-There is very little that is better on this earth than loving a good woman and killing a bad man.

-Don’t sit with your back to the door in any room, if you can help it. Sit with your back to a wall, with a view of the whole room. Know the number and location of exits, and scan for threats.

-You’re not a man unless you’re willing and able to provide for your family.

-Don’t exercise to look good for women. A six pack and big biceps don’t mean much if you can’t carry a family member our of a burning building, or drag a deer carcass out of the woods. Exercise to work more of fight better, not for aesthetics.

-Be the man people want around when something is going wrong, whether that is car troubles, violent break-ins, trouble hunting, or troublesome questions about the Bible.

-Your wife will have a tough job. Don’t get upset if the house is messy every now and then. Don’t add to the pressure in her life, but be strong enough to shoulder it.

-Be careful with your tears. Don’t cry at the drop of a hat. Be strong in the face of adversity.

-Every man wants a son, but daughters are just as special. Don’t neglect them in favor of a son, and don’t treat a daughter as a boy just because you always wanted one. Daughters are wonderful gifts from God, so don’t take them for granted.

  

-If someone needs to make sacrifices in your family, let it be you. If someone is going to go hungry, or be tired, cold or miserable, let it be you.Shield your family from the misery that is in this fallen world.

-There are no brave men who were cowards as boys. If you want to be brave, start now in the little things. Don’t assume that you can be timid your whole life, and suddenly rise to bravery when physical danger appears.

  

Two things I’ve never regretted (no matter how much I was mocked because of them) are putting my faith in Christ, and saving myself for marriage.


Here are additions from my brother:

-A guy who asks you what your bench is is not the kind of dude worth impressing. 

-If you’re not muscular, no posturing or tight clothing will make you look otherwise. If you are muscular, a sweatshirt and trench coat won’t hide it. 

-Learn to dance. I don’t know why, but this is important. 

-Don’t train to attract women; train to frighten men

-Imagine the best woman you can, work to be worthy of her as you look for her. Active even if you haven’t found her yet. “Instead of only worrying about finding miss right, work also to be mr. Right”

-Don’t die a stupid death. But know that there are things in life worth dying for.

-Keep a note book and write stuff down. Especially after you have kids. They steal your ability to remember things. 

-Jesus was NOT a victim. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Additions from my buddy Patrick Hanley:

-After you learn the great game of golf – no longer buy golf clubs off the shelf if possible. Spend the extra money to get fitted. Well worth it. 

-Don’t compare yourself to others to define your worth. Your worth is sourced in Jesus, find it there. He gave it to you.

-Be real and authentic, never trying to be someone you’re not to gain the acceptance of others. You will have peace and contentment.

-Find a community of Christians to do life with. You were not created to do life alone. God said it was not good for Adam to be alone…you’re not an exception. Live authentically with these people letting God minister to you and through you with them.

-Always listen to The Spirit in your life regardless of what you see as the outcome.

-Be generous. No one likes an asshole.

-When you do something really cool in front of a group of people…just say, “you’re welcome” and walk away.

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11 Comments Add yours

  1. micah_the_red says:

    These are fantastic!!!

    A few that I will be adding and teaching to my son.

    -Never pick a fight that you will not see through. Aka–Physically, don’t throw a punch and run away (it is cowardice).

    -Don’t start an argument when you have no idea what you are talking about. If you lose an argument, do so graciously. A real man does not resort to name-calling when he cannot think of a better response. Be willing to admit when you have been intellectually bested.
    -Caveat: This does not mean that you give up but that you take this as a learning moment and go out and learn more. Which leads me to my next one…

    -Never stop learning. Your mind is your greatest tool/muscle/weapon etc. According to proverbs, the Lord prizes wisdom. Gain it.

    -Find joy at all times. Not happiness–that is fleeting and stupid. No, I mean joy. Joy that is based in contentment that can breed happiness but always brings peace to your soul. This is found best in Christ.

    -Never quit making music.

    Like

  2. Pam Henwood Coffey says:

    A good and interesting read – all of you. I appreciate how you are modeling after a “man’s man” – Jesus. If you emulate Him, your wives, sons, and your daughters will be blessed.

    Like

  3. Ron and Karla says:

    I can’t say it any better than Pam already did. There is nothing better than a man who follows Jesus. Good lessons.

    Like

  4. Gary Wise says:

    Learn how to pray for at least four things regularly – Pure heart. No anger. No doubts. No fear. The enemy fights the first and promotes the rest.

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  5. Travis Dover says:

    Fantastic ! I really enjoyed all of these ! To my son, I would add…

    Know Thyself. As soon as possible, recognize what makes you uniquely you and work tenaciously to develop those attributes. The most centered and effectual people in life are those who are sure of who and what they are and pursue conviction over vocation.

    Do not objectify women. You will face endless, and at times, overwhelming pressure to succumb to your base needs YOU ARE NOT a powerless victim of impulse! She is more than the sum of her physical parts and SO ARE YOU.

    Don’t be a “cue – taker”. You were given a mind-Use it! An intelligent, thoughtful man is considerate and NOT just ” Oh, let me get that door for you grandma” considerate. ( do that as well ) Rather-ALWAYS BE LISTENING AND OBSERVANT. Study people, what they say and watch what they do. Learn to spot peoples tells and trust your instincts. Never forget that everyone is dealing with something – just like you so-give people a break. Have a robust epistemology of the framework of your life. Know what you like and what you believe and be able to articulate why. Don’t waste anyone’s time with the subjective-“I feel, I think, my opinion is..” No! Tell them what you know.

    Find a creative outlet and develop it. Learn an instrument or ten, draw, paint, write, cook, juggle. Find it and NEVER jettison out of your life because it’s “time to grow up..” SCREW that! Strive to be the eighty-something guy rockin’ a 5 piece Ludwig classic maple set at the Slippery Noodle Thursday night open stage!

    Construct a life that keeps you vital and LIVE IT ACTIVELY. Be authentic. Be interesting. DO NOT apologize for yourself. Nurture your body, train your mind, develop your character, Follow Christ and mature spiritually. Know and Trust the Bible.

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    1. Travis Dover says:

      One more thing…….

      Learn what makes a woman “good” ( see your mother ) and then know it when you find her. Pursue her with passion. If she loves you in return, make her yours. Commit all that you are to her. Marry her. Cherish her. Respect her. Grow your love EVERYDAY. NEVER stop pursuing or dating her-EVER. When she gives you butterflies-TELL HER about it. Compliment her. Love her daily like it’s the last day you will have with her. You will fail at that one but-get up off the mat and try again RIGHT AWAY. Remember, you are ONE FLESH so, act like it. Never forget what a unique gift true love is and be sure that she knows that you know. BE the man ( see the Bible for the guidelines ) and hold yourself accountable to that standard. Find godly men that will be honest with you and will help you stay accountable. You will be a better man to her because of it.

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  6. Jason says:

    Wow. This is so refreshing and powerful. I know men who are disabled and may not be able to fight off a wolf (or other POS human) but they are more man than half the guys I know. God loved women and chose them for the most significant purposes in our Gospel. My daughter shall know that a man will only love her as Christ loved the church. NO exceptions! I feel like I could write a book on how great your thoughts are on this. Thank you.

    Can I share this with my mens Bible study? I will, of course, cite you as the author.

    J

    Like

      1. Jason says:

        Thanks man! Enjoy your holidays and keep em’ coming. Great blog!

        Like

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