Marine Snipers Issued Muskets, Told To ‘Do More With Less’

Quantico, VA — Headquarters Marine Corps announced a decision last week to change the caliber of rifle used by the Scout Sniper community, after service-wide requests were finally noticed for a weapon system capable of longer ranges. The decision was announced by a Pentagon official on Friday, who said, “Following the Marine Corps’ proud tradition…

Marine Band Justifies Existence By Deploying, Stacking Bodies

Eastern Washir, Afghanistan — Following a study finding that the Marine Corps spends $50 million annually on its professional musicians, Colonel Mike Cockburn decided to take action to make sure the money was well spent. “There have been two wars going on, and we’ve got guys playing trumpets for a living,” began Cockburn, while stepping…